The Death of UK Advertising

We live in dangerous times. All around us the financial apocalypse rages. Citizens riot on the streets in Africa, Europe, and the UK for jobs, fairer wages, and better living standards for all. Countries and people that have lived on the ‘never never’ for as long as they can remember are under pressure from the banking industry to start paying back all that free money they bought their houses, LCDs and iPods with.

But the bloke above is the biggest danger of all. He’s a purchasing manager. They’re everywhere now. Dangerous, dangerous people, who have to a have a finger in every pie, and a cost cutting attitude to the contents of that pie.

As big business attempts to stretch money further and avoid having to invest in the basket case economies of Europe and the UK, purchasing managers have increased massively the disgusting practice of recycling ads. I mean who needs to make an ad for the UK when there’s a perfectly good one already made for the same product in Germany, Sweden, the US, Mongolia wherever…?

I’m all for recycling. Recycling as a concept is generally good. You know you take stuff headed for the trash and re-purpose it, like old newspaper becomes toilet paper. But, when it was stuff headed to the trash ‘cos it was crap to begin with then you shouldn’t be resurrecting it and foisting its smelliness on others.

Take this latest load of toss for Diageo drinks brand, ‘Captain Morgan’. In it, a bunch of dummies are caught out by hot-ish looking girls. An Indian statue takes a shower, a scarecrow drives a motor-mower, a gorilla takes a bath. The girls catch out the pretenders while the boys drink some coloured liquid in a bar and pose like knobs.

Now imagine this crap overdubbed in English. Which it is in the UK. Random sound effects abound. The bloke at the end spouts, ‘We got all night’ in cockney while his mouth forms the words in German, etc. And this is just the latest of the overdubbed, euro-trash, recycled adverts the UK is now infected with. I’m calling them ‘Einer Kleiner Schlonger’ ads. Because that’s what everyone looks like they’re saying in them.

I think it began with Glade, or at least I noticed it first with their ‘ad’:

You little annoying cock. Even overdubbing his shite can’t make it appealing. ‘It’s all gone.’ I wish he was gone.

It’s a shame this (Boy thrown threw window when sparking lighter after spraying air freshener) didn’t happen to him.

Here’s another one. This stupid ‘ad’ by Renault made me want to tear my hair out. I mean this doesn’t even look a tiny bit like the UK market place they’re trying to sell these things to. The streets are clean, there aren’t any potholes, it’s a left hand drive car, on and on and on… Jesus wept.

And the man clearly mouths ‘Einer Kleiner Schlonger’ doesn’t he? Not whatever they’ve overdubbed it with.

Advertising in the UK is dead. Just like most other industries. In a country where a man in a gorilla suit drumming for a couple of minutes in order to sell some purple wrapped chocolate is considered high art, then what did you expect?

Everyone just needs to try a whole lot harder. And find some money to make some proper ads you lot.

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